My Top Ten Songs that go alongside my adoptee feelings.

Aug 22, 2022

Hi, there I am Fiona I’m an adoptee. I was adopted at 8 months old after being in two different foster placements and 2 hospital stays. I have my great-niece from the family I was adopted out of on a Special Guardianship Order. Unusual I know but it’s working well.

I’m on holiday in Morecambe

On holiday in Morecambe, what a sweet place, we have been before and Georgie really enjoyed it. As did we. So far it’s been fabulous weather and the Airbnb is just lovely apart from the huge spiders that are lurking around. This top ten is mostly songs that really mean something to me. Most of them it is really just a line or two that I would cling to. This week’s blog offering is fairly short as I am on holiday.

1) I’m nobody’s child – various artists

This song it was really just the chorus that I used to sadly sing to myself even though I had plenty of Mum’s kisses and Dad’s smiles. I think I just sang it to annoy my family because everyone would shout up the stairs ” Will you just shut up”

2) When I need Love – Leo Sayer

This song just melts my heart, When I needed love I just closed my eyes and I found love. The words would make me think about my bio parents and that I could just close my eyes and feel them sending me love. I used to relate this to who my ‘real’ parents were wondering if they were thinking about me as much as I daydreamed about them.

3) Everybody Hurts Sometimes – REM.

If you are on your own in this life, the days and nights are long, when you think you have had enough of this life to hang on. Well everybody hurts sometimes, everybody cries, everybody hurts sometimes. It hurts being adopted. I hurt when I think about the hours pining for who I really was. crying about being unwanted, trying so hard to be liked, and making myself unlikeable in the process.

Fiona, Norma and Tracy

4) I want you to want me – Cheap Trick

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I’d love you to love me
I’m begging you to beg me
I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I’d love you to love me
Need I say more ……………………..

The photo is of my half-sisters Norma and Tracy that I had the pleasure of meeting recently. We were so engrossed in our ice creams we missed seeing Tom Cruise….. The power of reunion.

5) Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen

This amazing song is just so mixed up and a little strange. I have always loved belting this one out.

6) Take me Home Country Roads by John Denver

I hear her voice in the morning hour, she calls me, the radio reminds me of my home far away. And driving down the road I get a feeling that I should have been home yesterday, yesterday. Take me home, country road. Take me home. I know that this song relates to West Virginia, but there’s always room to change a word or two.

7) I wanna Hold Your Hand – The Beatles

So so often I just wanted to hold my bio Mums hand, I wanted her to tell me she did want me. I think knowing that I was adopted really wasn’t helpful to me.

8) I wanna Know What Love is – Foreigner

So here we arrive at number eight, How do I as an adoptee really get to grips with what love really is? Especially as a child when I was being told basically my Mum didn’t want me but did want my older sister. Speaking to many adoptees, I realise that our stories may be worlds apart but our feelings are fairly similar. I have been through so many broken relationships, always searching for that ultimate knowing what love is.

9) All I want for Christmas is you – Mariah Carey

This song came into play for me long after I found my bio Mum, I realised that I still had no way of meeting my bio Dad. I used to dream about him and what he may have been like. I had been told that he had died young. I remember going to the cemetery where he was buried in and wandering around reading every grave trying to find him to at least have a bit of closure. There was a pang of sadness but also a teeny sliver of hope, maybe he wasn’t actually dead, because I never found his grave.

Norman OxenhamThe strangest thing about this part of my story is that my actual bio Dad is buried in the graveyard that I searched that day. He was still alive. Unfortunately, I got around to finding him too late and I had missed meeting him by a few years.

Meet Norman – Sadly missed by his loving family and by me.




10) We’ll meet again – Dame Vera Lynn

One of the lovely things about being Christian is knowing that I shall meet my loved ones again. So although I am learning so much about my bio Dad which is really lovely and getting to know my biological half-sisters. Norman had a big family and from the stories that I am hearing we were fairly alike, it is nice to know where some of your gifts and talents come from. I shall meet him one fine day.

I used to sit and sing little bits of these songs, when I was feeling super sad, I had my own little changes that I made to fit in with what I was feeling. There are probably thousands of songs that I could take and make tiny changes to that would fit my brief. Or should that say grief?

Thank you for reading my blogging journey so far. Next Monday I will be sharing about being on holiday.

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