Hi, there I am Fiona I’m an adoptee. I was adopted at 8 months old after being in two different foster placements and 2 hospital stays. I have my great-niece from the family I was adopted out of on a Special Guardianship Order. Unusual I know but it’s working well.
You have been warned I am adopted
It has often crossed my mind that as an adoptee it may have been wise to say that I come with a warning like some dramas come on T.V with a warning that this may contain bad language or scenes of a sexual nature so that you can then choose whether you watch the thing or not. My struggle with relationships is very real, I battle to stay on top of the relationships that I have. Sometimes I can overcompensate which just makes me feel even more disliked and unwanted. I can enter a room full of people and try to chat with one or two, but then very quickly run out of things to say in my introverted state. I have in the past had a list in my pocket of currently trending things to talk about, to help me stay in the room.
More often than not though I seek out the sanctuary of a less populated room, or retreat to the kitchen if there is one to help in.
So is that me acting like an adopted person? Or am I naturally not comfortable in a crowd? I would say in this context – it is me just being uncomfortable in a crowd. The next 6 months will see me come right out of my comfort zone and start doing things I would run a hundred miles from at high speed.
I’m going to a meeting of a group I am in called team17. I have not met anyone from this group before. I have to get there on my own and mingle like I really know how to. I am determined that as I go forward in life, I will no longer treat myself as the most unlikeable and unwanted person in the room. The thing is I know I am not that unlikable or unwanted but a lifetime of feeling it does not help in shaking it off and walking it out like a boss.
Should adopted children come with a warning that it may be hazardous as they grow older and realise they are adopted, different, special, chosen etc. For children that are adopted should there be provisions made for the differences that they will experience in school? My school days were fraught with anxiety. I wonder would my teachers have managed me any differently had it been made known that I was adopted. Even as I write this I know that it would have made no difference at all in my schooldays as it was the 1970s. School for me was quite harsh. Punishments were meted out fairly often, from standing in the corner with your back to the class, being put in the stationary cupboard or even getting the dreaded belt. I regularly faced there and more at school.
As part of a big church I get great opportunities to share about my past and bring hope to other people in similar situations. I share about my past addictions and how God helped me to overcome those. I share about my infertility and how God brought me a child at 50. On my adoption, it is something I have only recently started to share about. Maybe it would have helped my leaders if I had come with a warning I am adopted label. So many times in my walk as a Christian I have been so badly misunderstood and made to feel like the worst Christian ever. I know I’m not and that it is just my own insecurities and fears that have held me back in that area as well.
Thankfully I am well on the road to full healing in so many areas of my heart that have remained in a state of permanent disarray due to not knowing how to fix them.
The funny thing is this particular blog feels all wrong and higglety piggelty. I am still scheduling it to go out in its place for the 15th of August. It may just mean something to someone.
Thank you for reading my blogging journey so far. Next Monday I will be sharing Adoptee’s top ten songs!