Hi, there I am Fiona I’m an adoptee. I was adopted at 8 months old after being in two different foster placements and 2 hospital stays. I have my great-niece from the family I was adopted out of on a Special Guardianship Order. Unusual I know but it’s working well.
It’s hard enough going to the doctor without the adopted tag!
Going to the doctor can be difficult on its own, never mind throwing in being adopted. I suffered hugely from sore throats as a child. I can remember the subject being discussed as to whether it was just something I had or whether it was something in my family. Becoming an independent person at age 16 and having to register with a new doctor on my own for the first time. Being asked questions about my health and immediate family health was a surprise the first time I had to fill in a doctors’ surgery application form I actually answered the questions from the perspective of knowing my parent’s medical issues. It didn’t occur to me at that point that I actually didn’t know the answer to most of the medical history questions I hadn’t found my bio family yet.
When it became clear that I couldn’t have children naturally that question was asked fairly frequently about family history. As some of you may know as you go through the many appointments for infertility treatment they don’t always pass the information on so you have to say it over and over again, sorry I don’t know, I’m adopted. I also then began to realise that if I did have children I wouldn’t be able to tell them anything about one-half of their DNA picture. That in itself is quite a frustrating thing to think about. Say you have decided that you don’t want to trace your biological family. You are then in that predicament of never going to be able to tell your children anything about one side of their medical history. The huge advances in medical technology mean that a blood test could tell you some of the possible medical issues you may have inherited.
In saying that there is also the added drama of tracing my biological family to be able to know my medical history. Then you may find yourself going down the rabbit hole of them not wanting to know you or even worse that they have died before you found them. Being adopted can be a total minefield of mini explosions in your life. Add that to the trauma of having to deal all through your childhood with just being adopted. It really is not an easy journey. It wasn’t for me anyway.
The first time I saw this little doggie with his funny filtered face II knew I had to use it as a picture in my blog. Questions, questions and still more questions.
Our parents don’t always have the answer to most of our questions, especially us older adoptees and those that were in certain types of adoptions.
It is my mission going forward to share as much as I can about how it was for me, which won’t be how it was for you but hopefully it will help even to have a little bit of recognising a feeling or relating to an incident. For so long I felt that I must be some kind of strange being that just wasn’t able to be normal. I can remember my Mum saying once when I was having a moment and crying down the phone that I just wanted to be normal, she said to me, you know what Fiona Normal is just a setting on the washing machine. ( This was in the days when you could choose Normal, warm or hot washes) Nowadays you need a degree in science or something to work out how to do the right wash for your clothes with all the settings there are now.
It may seem fairly trivial the drama of going to the doctor, but it means that yet again it meant I had to say out loud to a stranger that I was adopted. Then the feeling of being looked upon as something other than the norm sets in. It really doesn’t feel good. I have been fortunate in being able now to know my bio Mums medical history and I’m finding out more about my biological Dad as the weeks go by getting to know that side of my biological family.
For all of the adoptive parents that read this blog, find out as much as you can about your child’s parents’ medical history. Likes and dislikes. I am very fortunate with my daughter. I can take her to the doctor with the full facts of her background and if something comes up that’s unknown I can ask Nana.
Can anyone relate? Please comment and let me know your thoughts. Have you had a similar experience?
Thank you for reading my blogging journey so far. Next Monday I will be sharing on Do I look adopted in this?